Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Here's a handy tip for Muslim men to keep in mind when trying to be #TheIdealMuslimHusband: learn to apologize.
I don't mean becoming the cliche henpecked husband and being a meek doormat who says "Yes, dear" to everything (do such men even exist?).
I mean, learn to apologize when you have legitimately been a jerk. If you got into an argument with your wife and you may even have been right, but your tone of voice was inappropriate; if you were in a bad mood and said something that was unpleasant and unfair; if you were insensitive and made a joke at her expense... apologize.
Not a half-hearted, half-assed one meant to pacify her; not a patronizing or sarcastic "sorry your feelings got hurt."
A heartfelt, sincere, legitimate acknowledgement of your own wrongdoing and a commitment to do and be better.
I cannot tell you enough how important this is for a healthy relationship. Many Muslim women, including myself, were raised and trained to be the ones to always apologize for upsetting our husbands even if we did nothing wrong - as long as he was upset, we *must* hasten to beg for his forgiveness and seek his pleasure in every way (even if he's being completely unreasonable and ridiculous).
When a Muslim man has the humility, self-awareness, and responsibility to take accountability for his wrong-doing, it doesn't make him a weak man - to the contrary, it is a sign of his strength, his masculinity, his nobility, his qiwamah.
It is a characteristic that will make your wife fall in love with you.
The first time my now-husband apologized to me after a fight - a real apology, not a passive aggressive or snide one - I honestly couldn't believe it. The concept of a Muslim man having the humbleness to apologize to his wife was alien to me.
And yet - it is one of the qualities about him that most endear him to me, which has garnered my respect, which has reminded me that yes, there are men who do practice the Sunnah and truly care about being genuinely excellent believers and men - who strive to embody Ihsaan even with their wives.
Do not underestimate the importance of this one quality; do not think that it is insignificant or unmanly or weak. Rather, it is the sign of a #TrueQawwam, a man who is fully aware of what it means to have excellence of character, especially with regards to his wives.
{“The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best to my family.”}
Imam ashShawkanee said:
"“You find a man, if he comes into contact with his family, he displays the worst of character, he is prideful, and very little good is seen from him. But if he meets with other people, his disposition is very gentle, his character is very soft, he is very giving, and he displays much good. There is no doubt, this type of individual is from those who have been prevented from good and success, and he is one who has deviated from the correct path. We ask Allah for protection!"

No comments: